"Cherry Pie"

This is a true story…..

Just the other day as I was on my lunch break I decided to head over to the local grocery store to pick up a few items. As I parked my car a sudden feeling came over me. My world started to slow down….think “Swingers” when they all got out of their cars. The movie slows and everybody’s walk looked gangsta. I started walking like that, with big sexy strides! At that moment I went from a skinny bastard to a 6’4” love machine. My hair perfect, ass..check, looking good!!

I had no idea why this sudden feeling of greatness came over me but I went with it. I continued walking, and as I am about to the end of the parking lot … it hits me, she hits me. Oh dear, Hot Girl in a business suit, 12 o’clock high! Thank You, Thank You!!

My first thought “holy shit, this is my Cindy Crawford moment.” Remember the Pepsi commercial with the little kid starring through the fence at Cindy…well I do and I will never forget it. It’s my mother fucking turn!

You know what…. this is my story...DJ!

Snare, snare, snare, snare, snare…."She’s my Cherry Pie, Cool drink of water, Such a sweet surprise, Taste so good, Make a grown man Cry, Sweet Cherry Pieeee, Oh Yeah!”

Again, in my mind the skinny bastard was left behind in the car sitting shotgun. I’m about to do this. I stair at her and sadly she hasn’t noticed me.

“What the fuck? I wonder if she is blind. She doesn’t have a walking stick but how can she not see me?” I’m screaming at her in my head “Hello, hot guy 25 ft away. Check out my sexy walk.”

“Well, Swingin on the front porch, Swingin on the lawn, Swingin where we want, Cause there ain’t nobody home, Swingin to the left And swingin to the right, If I think about baseball I’ll swing all night..yeah yeah”

We are both about to cross the middle of the street heading in opposite directions when a small wind kicks up.

DJ Crank this shit “Swingin in the living room, Swingin in the kitchen, Most folks don’t, Cause they’re too busy bitchin, Swingin in there, Cause she wanted me to feed her, So I mixed up the batter, And she licked the beater”

Boom….a small piece of paper flies from her hand.

What most of you don’t know is that “The Big Man” upstairs and I have a quality relationship. The long of the short is we basically have each others backs. He was clearly watching over me at this moment because the piece of paper dropped in the exact opposite direction of me. Like “The Big Man’s” hand came down pulled it from her and said "My good friend, this one is one the house."

Oh my, what has he done? Here comes the money shot…in a business suit none the less. “The Big Man” is clearly feeling it today.

“I scream, you scream, We all scream for her, Don’t even try, Cause you can’t ignore her, She’s my cherry pie”

Bam! She bends over, not like a lady of course but like a real freaking woman should….don’t bend your knees. Boom! Thong sticking out of her pants…oh my! Knees buckle…hang on big man, keep your game tight.

What you need to remember is that this is all happening in slow motion. The power of "The Big Man" and I’ve got Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” cranking in my head…this is a great moment.

I stare and stare some more. She slowly pulls the piece of paper off the street, swings her hair in every direction and than continues on her way! Dirty, Dirty Girl!!

Before continuing I look up…wink and point to the sky and whisper “Thank You, thank you kind sir”

And as I’m about to enter the store a random guy who works there looks at me and asks, “Did you just wink at God?”