This is the time of year I look forward to the most, like a drunken fat chick staring at me from the end of the bar at 2am, I’m all in. What can make this time of year even better is when you have a couple of dogs in the race. The World Series is about to kick off….Phillies v. Yankees. The Phil’s could be the first to win back to back championships since the 98 – 99 Yankees, and they can do it against the most storied steroid team errr the most storied franchise in baseball history. I would not want it any other way if I was the Phil’s. The city of Philadelphia must be drunk (literally and figuratively) in anticipation for tonight’s game.
I grew up in the great state of New Jersey about an hour outside of Philly. My Dad used to take me to games all the time. Drunken Philly fans where every where. They would get in so many fights that my Dad would move us from seat to seat trying to keep me safe. I don’t remember sitting in the same seat for an entire 9 inning game at the Vet. What a dump that place was.
Speaking of dumps! Every post season in baseball I come to the same conclusion….the regular season sucks! Baseball in the postseason is such a better product it’s not even close. The regular season remind me of visiting my friends at the University of Davis and drinking warm beer when it was a 100 degrees outside. I’m not saying you wouldn't do it but it could be way better. Certainly the postseason is better in every sport but it is dramatically better and more appealing in baseball. It’s like watching porn and having “porn stars” act….are you serious? Let’s just get down to business. I say screw the 162 games. I’m only going to watch about 15 – 20 games per year and it all begins in September when it actually matters. And the fact the Yankees have home field advantage because of the All-Star game is ridiculous. Somebody needs to drop the peoples elbow on Bud Selig.
The NBA also kicked off, Cavs v. Celtics last night. I understand it’s only game one but you have to be sick to your stomach if you are a Cav’s fan. Is Danny Ferry sauced 24/7? Does he just stare at Lebron and think everything is going to be ok? The Cav’s roster is awful!! Has Danny Ferry not opened a book on basketball in his entire life? Every great player needs a couple of well above average teammates to get over the top………………..the Cav’s have no one!!! No way Shaq is the answer. Did Ferry miss the Orlando series last year? Without Lebron’s miracle shot they get swept!! How about some off season moves? “Lebron is gone” that will be the t-shirts you see in C-Town before the end of the year.
The NFL is awesome as usual and like a drunken girl who can’t get drunk enough fantasy football is alive and well. I must check my crackberry no less than 1000 times each Sunday and Monday. Good gravy that stuff is addicting. I currently rest in second place in my big league and look forward to winning another championship. The first place team is undeafted and I will blow my brains out if he goes the whole way without a loss. My new goal in fantasy football is to go undeafted, my dream died this year in week 4.
With Drew Brees finding ways to do it in the air and on the ground it’s all good. He is having a very special season and it looks like the Saints defense is finally on board. The way they rallied against the Dolphins says a lot about how hungry they are to win a Super Bowl.
In addition the Steelers v. Vikings game was as good a week 7 game as you can ask for. Two defensive touchdowns and one special teams touchdown late in the 4th quarter made for a classic ending. The Steelers are a different team with The Big Hair roaming the field.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
It's A Long Year....
Phil Sims said it best during the opening of the NFL season....I'm paraphrasing here, "the season is like five seasons in one". Meaning, you can't get to high or to low after a weekend of football. It can certainly seem depressing at times or like you may be making plans for Miami but as one of my fine fat ladies once told me "slow down there tiger." It's about improving week to week and getting hot at the right time. The only thing you are playing for today is to get into the big dance. Who would have predicted last year the Steelers playing the Cardinals for the Lombardi Trophy? Exactly no one to my count.
Last week the Seahawks offense looked unstoppable, this week they put up 3 points. Two weeks ago the 49ers were playoff hopefuls. Atlanta comes into town and blows them out of the water. They have yet to win a game outside of their division. Just a month ago the Ravens were the best team in football, three weeks later they have lost 3 in a row. Football is a 17 week journey. As a fan it's important to look at the whole body of work to see the true direction of your team.
I'd like to welcome back to earth Mr. Sanchez. Personally I think Rexy has forgotten that he has a rookie QB that probably played a little above his head the first few weeks. Remember nobody had any game tape on him....now these coaches are starting to discover his strengths and more importantly his weaknesses. These coaches are not dumb....well not all of them. They'll figure it out...it's like a big game of chess. The next move is Rexy's and Mr. Sanchez's.
Drew Brees is a beast. Are the Saints really this good? Only time will tell. One thing is for sure there offense if awesome but can there defense hold? I was actually starting to believe (at the beginning of the season) that this could be Sean's year to get on the hot seat. Not necessarily get fired but start coaching his way out of New Orleans....was I wrong.
The super fantasy league is off and running. I'm 4 and 2 (3rd place) after this weekend and I just set a league scoring record last night, most points in a weekend...ever. We've been doing this league for 13 years.
My starting lineup looked like this.
Drew Brees
Ray Rice
Thomas Jones
Bowe
Wes Welker
A. Bouldin
Pats Defense
Flex Amhad Bradshaw
Kicker Jeff Reed
Not only did I break the scoring record I am up 90 something points going into tonight's game.
This calls for a few vodka drinks tonight.
Last week the Seahawks offense looked unstoppable, this week they put up 3 points. Two weeks ago the 49ers were playoff hopefuls. Atlanta comes into town and blows them out of the water. They have yet to win a game outside of their division. Just a month ago the Ravens were the best team in football, three weeks later they have lost 3 in a row. Football is a 17 week journey. As a fan it's important to look at the whole body of work to see the true direction of your team.
I'd like to welcome back to earth Mr. Sanchez. Personally I think Rexy has forgotten that he has a rookie QB that probably played a little above his head the first few weeks. Remember nobody had any game tape on him....now these coaches are starting to discover his strengths and more importantly his weaknesses. These coaches are not dumb....well not all of them. They'll figure it out...it's like a big game of chess. The next move is Rexy's and Mr. Sanchez's.
Drew Brees is a beast. Are the Saints really this good? Only time will tell. One thing is for sure there offense if awesome but can there defense hold? I was actually starting to believe (at the beginning of the season) that this could be Sean's year to get on the hot seat. Not necessarily get fired but start coaching his way out of New Orleans....was I wrong.
The super fantasy league is off and running. I'm 4 and 2 (3rd place) after this weekend and I just set a league scoring record last night, most points in a weekend...ever. We've been doing this league for 13 years.
My starting lineup looked like this.
Drew Brees
Ray Rice
Thomas Jones
Bowe
Wes Welker
A. Bouldin
Pats Defense
Flex Amhad Bradshaw
Kicker Jeff Reed
Not only did I break the scoring record I am up 90 something points going into tonight's game.
This calls for a few vodka drinks tonight.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Week 4 Pittsburgh Needs Some Love!!
Week 4 is upon us and I have a small beef with the NFL.....the bye weeks are here already? What is that? It makes little sense why a team would need a bye in week 4. Not only am I getting screwed in fantasy football this weekend but these byes shouldn't start until week 6 or 7 minimum. Would you take a break after 3 vodka drinks? Exactly horrible logic!!
Last week the almighty Drew Brees throws for less than 200 yards, no TDs and still wins. That's somewhere in the ball park of me showing up to at bar and stealing Giselle from Tom Brady, you just wouldn't believe it. I'm not sure if that is a credit to Saints or how awful the Bills are. It's also clear nobody wanted to touch T.O. outside of the Bills. Trent Edwards is average at best. Both him and Rosenhaus had to have done their homework and knew it could be a long year for the "love me so me" man.
A quick shout out to my Pittsburgh Steelers. Thanks a million for losing two winnable games in a row. I haven't been able to watch Sports Center for 2 weeks. I really need to hear Mike and Mike tell me what's wrong with the Steelers like my friends telling me "pst, she's not that skinny." I am already sick to my stocmach for the big Sunday night game against the Bolts.
Guys I love this week
Aaron Rogers (I've just got a feeling)
Brett Favre (Same feeling different team)
Dree Brees (Back in the Dome, Jets have a couple slumpy games in them.)
Guys who will suck this week
The entire Steelers team!!!
Last week the almighty Drew Brees throws for less than 200 yards, no TDs and still wins. That's somewhere in the ball park of me showing up to at bar and stealing Giselle from Tom Brady, you just wouldn't believe it. I'm not sure if that is a credit to Saints or how awful the Bills are. It's also clear nobody wanted to touch T.O. outside of the Bills. Trent Edwards is average at best. Both him and Rosenhaus had to have done their homework and knew it could be a long year for the "love me so me" man.
A quick shout out to my Pittsburgh Steelers. Thanks a million for losing two winnable games in a row. I haven't been able to watch Sports Center for 2 weeks. I really need to hear Mike and Mike tell me what's wrong with the Steelers like my friends telling me "pst, she's not that skinny." I am already sick to my stocmach for the big Sunday night game against the Bolts.
Guys I love this week
Aaron Rogers (I've just got a feeling)
Brett Favre (Same feeling different team)
Dree Brees (Back in the Dome, Jets have a couple slumpy games in them.)
Guys who will suck this week
The entire Steelers team!!!
3 and 0 in my super league....the undeafted dream season still lives.
Sorry I didn't post last week. Technical difficulties.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Week 2 - The Bengals Are Cursed!
It felt like everything was right in the world last week with the official “kickoff” of the NFL. It’s like seeing some girl naked for the first time…..new season, new beginnings. Let’s go back to seeing the naked girl for the first time. I usually like to start off with a quick prayer. “Dear Big Man, it’s me, about to get lucky. Yes of course I’m going to marry her! Could you please make sure there are no crazy hairy birth marks and that the B. U. TT is in fine shape…possibly a little junk in the trunk. I will see you on Sunday.”
With that it’s only week 1 so nobody should be hitting the panic button just yet however, making some slight adjustments week to week never hurts, like dropping Mr. Coles, wide out from the horrible Bengals. I just don’t see him being a big part of Cincy’s losing plans this year. The way the Bengals game ended its clear the franchise is cursed.
Let’s not be fooled by Drew Brees matchup with the Lions. The Saints don’t have a strong run game and the only reason they do have some sort of running game is because of the pass and Drew Brees. They have the exact opposite offensive philosophy than the entire NFL. Pass first, pass second, pass third and run every 10 downs just to keep the opponents defense sort of honest. It’s like Lindsay Lohan telling everyone she doesn’t drink… a lie but none the less a necessary step. It’s a great recipe for fantasy football but not such a good one when you’re trying to win football games. The Lions were in that game far to long with a rookie QB and a below average defense. Brees may average 4 passing TDs a game this year, sure that would give him 64 passing TDs for the season but is anybody going to doubt me after watching him in week one?
Before moving on can I get a thank you for Mr. Adrian Peterson! We haven’t seen a running back like him since Barry Sanders. Every run potentially could be a Sportscenter highlight. The way he goes about it is unreal. Is that dude freaking human? Have you seen the commercial with him? Seriously is that computer generated? I could lift weights for a hundred years and do steroids until my arms fall off and never look like that. I loved how he just handed it to the entire Browns secondary.
Five guys I love this week.
Adrian Peterson (hello Captain Obvious)
Thomas Jones, Leon Washington (they count as one this week. Fred Jackson tore up the Pats last Monday.....these guys may get 150 plus)
Chris Johnson (the Jets actually believe they are going to the super bowl after playing the Texans. The Titans are coming off of a tough lose to Pittsburgh)
Cowboys receiving core (Romo and the Boys always play the Giants well at home)
McFadden (the Ravens ran all over KC, so will Mcfadden)
Five guys who might suck this week
Jay Cutler (Steelers have something to prove playing with out Troy)
Matt Forte
Charger running backs – (the Ravens D is in town)
The Detroit Lions
Kurt Warner (If the Jag’s can put a little pressure on him it’s going to be another long day. Not to mention the Cards are playing on the East Coast…never good for them)
I won the big league by a million points last week thanks to Drew Brees. Again it's only week 1 but Ray Rice and Thomas Jones may have been my late round draft picks of the year. They both looked super solid in week 1 and they are both on teams that run first and run often. I may go undeafted this year.
My stat to track for the year,
Drew Brees avg passing TDs per game = 6
With that it’s only week 1 so nobody should be hitting the panic button just yet however, making some slight adjustments week to week never hurts, like dropping Mr. Coles, wide out from the horrible Bengals. I just don’t see him being a big part of Cincy’s losing plans this year. The way the Bengals game ended its clear the franchise is cursed.
Let’s not be fooled by Drew Brees matchup with the Lions. The Saints don’t have a strong run game and the only reason they do have some sort of running game is because of the pass and Drew Brees. They have the exact opposite offensive philosophy than the entire NFL. Pass first, pass second, pass third and run every 10 downs just to keep the opponents defense sort of honest. It’s like Lindsay Lohan telling everyone she doesn’t drink… a lie but none the less a necessary step. It’s a great recipe for fantasy football but not such a good one when you’re trying to win football games. The Lions were in that game far to long with a rookie QB and a below average defense. Brees may average 4 passing TDs a game this year, sure that would give him 64 passing TDs for the season but is anybody going to doubt me after watching him in week one?
Before moving on can I get a thank you for Mr. Adrian Peterson! We haven’t seen a running back like him since Barry Sanders. Every run potentially could be a Sportscenter highlight. The way he goes about it is unreal. Is that dude freaking human? Have you seen the commercial with him? Seriously is that computer generated? I could lift weights for a hundred years and do steroids until my arms fall off and never look like that. I loved how he just handed it to the entire Browns secondary.
Five guys I love this week.
Adrian Peterson (hello Captain Obvious)
Thomas Jones, Leon Washington (they count as one this week. Fred Jackson tore up the Pats last Monday.....these guys may get 150 plus)
Chris Johnson (the Jets actually believe they are going to the super bowl after playing the Texans. The Titans are coming off of a tough lose to Pittsburgh)
Cowboys receiving core (Romo and the Boys always play the Giants well at home)
McFadden (the Ravens ran all over KC, so will Mcfadden)
Five guys who might suck this week
Jay Cutler (Steelers have something to prove playing with out Troy)
Matt Forte
Charger running backs – (the Ravens D is in town)
The Detroit Lions
Kurt Warner (If the Jag’s can put a little pressure on him it’s going to be another long day. Not to mention the Cards are playing on the East Coast…never good for them)
I won the big league by a million points last week thanks to Drew Brees. Again it's only week 1 but Ray Rice and Thomas Jones may have been my late round draft picks of the year. They both looked super solid in week 1 and they are both on teams that run first and run often. I may go undeafted this year.
My stat to track for the year,
Drew Brees avg passing TDs per game = 6
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
League of Dorks
To say I'm a basketball junkie is an understated fact. I love hoops like I love vodka and the occasional fat chick. It all goes hand in hand. But football is my skinny mistress....I love her!! Over the years football and fantasy football have become a big part of my Sundays. It’s like having a baby after which I realized two things. 1, I literally knew nothing about babies and 2, now I’m a freaking expert. When your life starts to revolve around fantasy football you begin to study the game more....and the reward, you take money from your friends. I have been in a fantasy football league going on 13 years. My resume, 5 trips to the Super Bowl and 3 Rings the latest being last year. I was also in another league last year and just so happen to win that as well. I enjoy playing in 2 leagues and mixing up my teams but this year I got suckered into a 3rd, 3 is too many even for me. You end up competing against yourself each week with your players from each team. Because my love for football and fantasy football runs deep I have decided to write about my experiences and my season. I hope to provide some insight or at the very least help you pass some time when you’re on the crapper.
In my main league we had our draft about 3 weeks ago and really it’s all down hill after that. It’s by far and away the best part of fantasy football. We’ve actually been doing it so long that our wife’s and girlfriends let us go out and pretend we are 25 all over again (sounds like I have both but really I don’t have either. Oh that’s right I’m in 3 fantasy football leagues….I’m a dork, chicks only like dorks on TV.) Like all old guys we pay for it ten fold the next day. This year are drafted started at 11am, I was a sleep by 6:30pm.
The league scoring is pretty standard although no negative points and quarterbacks get 6pts for a TD pass. During the draft we do not use a draft board. We have poster board and everyone goes up and writes their picks down. If you spell a players name wrong, write down a player that has already been taken, or pick out of turn…. its tequila shot time. This year we set an all time record….1st round shot for picking out of turn. We also have a league wide boat race after the 6th and 12th rounds. It’s a freaking mess after the 12th round and many shots are being served for the miss spelling of names and taken players who have already been selected. It’s freaking awesome!!
This year I had the 10th pick. We draft on the reverse order of the previous years standings. We continue to reward the loser but funny enough it’s usually the same guys picking 1st and 2nd year in and year out. We also have a good rule that you can hold over one player from previous team. If you do hold a player over it is considered your 1st pick. It’s somewhat strategic but not to mind numbing. Like in my case I held over Drew Brees with the 10th pick. A pretty easy decision considering he lead all players last year in points.
My goal this year was to go after top notch receivers because all the good backs would be held over or taken with the early picks. Looking inside the numbers the fall off on receivers to running backs is a lot greater. There are a ton of average backs but not many great receivers so my thought was to hold Brees and go receiver with my next two picks.
Here’s how the first four rounds shook out for me. After that I was a little drunk and just started filling in my roster.
1- Brees
2- Bouldin – Considering he only played in 12 games and had 1000 plus yards and 11 TDs I’m in. His average week scoring was tied for 1st with Fitzgerald.
3- Wes Welker – completely underrated fantasy player especially with Brady back
4- Bowe – Hoping he makes the leap in year 3.
The rest of the roster (in no particular order)
Thomas Jones
Ray Rice
Laveranues Coles
Stever Breaston – my Bouldin insurance policy.
Ahmad Bradshaw – just waiting for Jacobs to get hurt.
Johnathan Stewart – the achilles injury has me worried.
Jeff Reed
Patriots
Panthers
Marc Bulger
Another kicker that I can’t figure out. My friend who hosted the party “accidentally” pitched the poster boards in a drunken state. Good work meat!!
In my main league we had our draft about 3 weeks ago and really it’s all down hill after that. It’s by far and away the best part of fantasy football. We’ve actually been doing it so long that our wife’s and girlfriends let us go out and pretend we are 25 all over again (sounds like I have both but really I don’t have either. Oh that’s right I’m in 3 fantasy football leagues….I’m a dork, chicks only like dorks on TV.) Like all old guys we pay for it ten fold the next day. This year are drafted started at 11am, I was a sleep by 6:30pm.
The league scoring is pretty standard although no negative points and quarterbacks get 6pts for a TD pass. During the draft we do not use a draft board. We have poster board and everyone goes up and writes their picks down. If you spell a players name wrong, write down a player that has already been taken, or pick out of turn…. its tequila shot time. This year we set an all time record….1st round shot for picking out of turn. We also have a league wide boat race after the 6th and 12th rounds. It’s a freaking mess after the 12th round and many shots are being served for the miss spelling of names and taken players who have already been selected. It’s freaking awesome!!
This year I had the 10th pick. We draft on the reverse order of the previous years standings. We continue to reward the loser but funny enough it’s usually the same guys picking 1st and 2nd year in and year out. We also have a good rule that you can hold over one player from previous team. If you do hold a player over it is considered your 1st pick. It’s somewhat strategic but not to mind numbing. Like in my case I held over Drew Brees with the 10th pick. A pretty easy decision considering he lead all players last year in points.
My goal this year was to go after top notch receivers because all the good backs would be held over or taken with the early picks. Looking inside the numbers the fall off on receivers to running backs is a lot greater. There are a ton of average backs but not many great receivers so my thought was to hold Brees and go receiver with my next two picks.
Here’s how the first four rounds shook out for me. After that I was a little drunk and just started filling in my roster.
1- Brees
2- Bouldin – Considering he only played in 12 games and had 1000 plus yards and 11 TDs I’m in. His average week scoring was tied for 1st with Fitzgerald.
3- Wes Welker – completely underrated fantasy player especially with Brady back
4- Bowe – Hoping he makes the leap in year 3.
The rest of the roster (in no particular order)
Thomas Jones
Ray Rice
Laveranues Coles
Stever Breaston – my Bouldin insurance policy.
Ahmad Bradshaw – just waiting for Jacobs to get hurt.
Johnathan Stewart – the achilles injury has me worried.
Jeff Reed
Patriots
Panthers
Marc Bulger
Another kicker that I can’t figure out. My friend who hosted the party “accidentally” pitched the poster boards in a drunken state. Good work meat!!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Taint
"The Taint" are random thoughts by yours truly.
If I was Brett Favre I'd play until they drag my tired ass of the field. I'm not sure why people get so obsessed with someones "legacy". He was a great player and an all timer...why can't he keep playing? There must be know other feeling in the world to collect millions of dollars while millions of people cheer for your. If you're a competitor on any level I'm sure you can appreciate his internal itch to continue to flirt with playing. Not to mention....being married, that's got to be a big part of his decision to continue to play.
Why would the Mallof's send Chris Weber to represent them at the lottery? Dude is one of the biggest losers and has some of the worst luck ever. Wait timeout!! If you want to get over the top and actually land the number one pick you send......one of the Mallof's. They own a casino in Vegas..enough said.
Although everyone thinks the Nuggets blew the series by losing game one to the Fakers I don't. The series will continue to get more physical and I believe this favors the Nugs. And memo to George Karl, why would you try to get Billups the ball off of the inbound when Ariza the most active defender on the Lakers is guarding him? How about setting an old fashion pick to set Billups free?
If I was Brett Favre I'd play until they drag my tired ass of the field. I'm not sure why people get so obsessed with someones "legacy". He was a great player and an all timer...why can't he keep playing? There must be know other feeling in the world to collect millions of dollars while millions of people cheer for your. If you're a competitor on any level I'm sure you can appreciate his internal itch to continue to flirt with playing. Not to mention....being married, that's got to be a big part of his decision to continue to play.
Why would the Mallof's send Chris Weber to represent them at the lottery? Dude is one of the biggest losers and has some of the worst luck ever. Wait timeout!! If you want to get over the top and actually land the number one pick you send......one of the Mallof's. They own a casino in Vegas..enough said.
Although everyone thinks the Nuggets blew the series by losing game one to the Fakers I don't. The series will continue to get more physical and I believe this favors the Nugs. And memo to George Karl, why would you try to get Billups the ball off of the inbound when Ariza the most active defender on the Lakers is guarding him? How about setting an old fashion pick to set Billups free?
What in the world are the Warriors going to do with the 7th pick? For my money I'd scrapped the idea of going after a role player. I'd go after someone with big time up side. Someone who could potentially be a top 15 to 20 guy in the league. I would draft Tyreke Evan's out of Memphis, 6'6" 220lbs shooting guard and is only 19 years old. He could be a freak one day.
"I got more rhymes than Jamaica got mango's"
Monday, April 27, 2009
Draft This!
The NFL draft has come and gone and the one thing that I am constantly remind of is that the "experts" suck at what they do and I'm sick of listening to 30 different guys give there take on the draft.
It is without question and inexact science. Many concerns come into question when drafting yet many cannot be answered or quantified. How is a kid going to react to making millions of dollars? Are there talents in the right system? How mature are they? Are they smart? Do they understand it is now a business? Like any job some people maybe great at interviewing and may not perform at the expected level. As well you may have someone who doesn't interview well yet exceeds expectation.
Coming out of the draft all the "experts" sit here and mock the Raiders for their picks. Certainly on the surface they are laughable but isn't giving Stafford $41 mil guaranteed laughable? Which reminds me, can someone start a reality show with Stafford? I want to see how dude goes about spending $41 mil. To his first car, girlfriend, posse, late night in Detroit...come on man, please. This first thing I go out and buy is a sexy ass girlfriend....big butts need only apply. I take her to a car dealership and she can watch me spend a Ka-trillion dollars on some ridiculous car...it would be awesome. Back to reality.
If you are an "expert" why do you only get about 10% of your picks correct? Why didn't you have Tom Brady rated as one of your top QBs? Why didn't anybody draft Kurt Warner? The answer is that nobody has an exact formula on how draft picks are going to pan out.
How many people had Tim Couch, Joey Harrington, Ryan Leaf, Lawrence Philips, Heath Shuler, Charles Rogers rated as top guys? They all did.
It's not laughable the amount of air time ESPN and other networks give to the draft but what is laughable are "expert" opinions.
It is without question and inexact science. Many concerns come into question when drafting yet many cannot be answered or quantified. How is a kid going to react to making millions of dollars? Are there talents in the right system? How mature are they? Are they smart? Do they understand it is now a business? Like any job some people maybe great at interviewing and may not perform at the expected level. As well you may have someone who doesn't interview well yet exceeds expectation.
Coming out of the draft all the "experts" sit here and mock the Raiders for their picks. Certainly on the surface they are laughable but isn't giving Stafford $41 mil guaranteed laughable? Which reminds me, can someone start a reality show with Stafford? I want to see how dude goes about spending $41 mil. To his first car, girlfriend, posse, late night in Detroit...come on man, please. This first thing I go out and buy is a sexy ass girlfriend....big butts need only apply. I take her to a car dealership and she can watch me spend a Ka-trillion dollars on some ridiculous car...it would be awesome. Back to reality.
If you are an "expert" why do you only get about 10% of your picks correct? Why didn't you have Tom Brady rated as one of your top QBs? Why didn't anybody draft Kurt Warner? The answer is that nobody has an exact formula on how draft picks are going to pan out.
How many people had Tim Couch, Joey Harrington, Ryan Leaf, Lawrence Philips, Heath Shuler, Charles Rogers rated as top guys? They all did.
It's not laughable the amount of air time ESPN and other networks give to the draft but what is laughable are "expert" opinions.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The Madness of March
This year the madness will be totally unpredictable. Like the fat chick* you bring home from a bar at 2am. She could be a dirty girl who likes to watch porn and decides that a couple of vodkas and walking straight up to your room and nuding up is a must. Or she just wants to cruise over hoping you have a fresh box of ham and chess hot pockets and passes out on your couch after two bites. You have no idea what’s going to happen until it actually happens. Let’s not lie to each other, the reason we all love March Madness is because we’ve all had the fat chick who likes vodka and porn. I guess in this case I should only speak for myself but bring on the fat chicks!
Let’s start from the top. Two of the four one seeds didn’t even make their conference tournament final game. Of course the overall top seed Louisville won it all and is from the same Big East Conference. Last year all four number ones made the final four for the first time ever. Will it happen again? My guess is no way. All four teams have huge flaws but of the top four I do like Louisville to make a nice run. They’ve won ten in a row in a ridiculously tough conference but, only had to play Pitt and UConn once. Great team, forty minutes of hell, 6’9” point forward who loves to throw dimes in Terrence Williams. Their scoring is really spread out and they should live up to the overall number one seed.
Pitt outside of 2007 usually wins a game or two and goes back home to the steel city. You got to love De Juan Blair who is a big meat who likes to bang but will he get the ball when they need a score? That’s why you hear all the experts talk about guard play in the tournament. They’re the ones who make all the decisions with ball. Get the ball to Blair and they make it two the second weekend. They’ve certainly never had the #1 seed which is a much easier road but it would not shock me at all if they lost to Tennessee or Oklahoma St in the second round.
UConn to me is soft like pudding. Hasheem Thabet is 7’3” and only averages 10 boards a game. If you go at him and get him into foul trouble he’s useless. FYI, he will be a terrible pro….think Shawn Bradley. They should win the first couple of games but if Washington gets through look out. Jon Brockman all 6’7” 255lbs will be punching Thabet right in the mouth.
UNC is all about one guy, Ty Lawson. With a healthy Lawson they find a way to the final four or without him they may be done in week one. Please don’t start with what about Tyler Hansbourgh? He owes his whole career to Lawson just like every Bull owes Michael Jordan at least 20% of their free agents contracts they signed when they left the team. Totally overrated! I’m not saying he’s not great but I am saying he is overrated. Plus aren’t we supposed to hate on a white guy from the ACC?
As for the rest of the field here are some teams I think could make a run at the very least get out of the first weekend.
Dayton - Three returning starters from last year. (This is just a hunch; if you’re not feeling it I don’t blame you.)
Xavier – Three guys returning from a team that was one game from the final four last year. Sean Miller is a great coach and they should go far.
VCU – They are young but they have a couple of things going for them. One, they just don’t get blown and two, a good match up with UCLA who is really down this year and may be tired as a program.
Minnesota - another hunch; don’t love them but they are capable of winning some games and I love Tubby. Maybe I do love them? Look at the state of Kentucky basketball for proof of how good a coach this guy is.
Gonzaga – This will be their year. They are playing well right now and should keep things going. It does scare me a bit that the committee did not give St. Mary’s an at large. Could be overrated. I did watch the game against Memphis and even though they lost they looked good at times. They played a great schedule that includes two of the four number one seeds in UConn and the previously mention Memphis. Also Tennessee (twice), Arizona, Oklahoma St, and Maryland.
Washington – Although they pooped on themselves in the Pac 10 tourney they are a very good team who could get to the regional finals if they catch a couple of breaks.
But like the fat chick who you bring home on whim this could all be for not. She very easily could settle for the hot pockets and passing out and I’m left holding a bracket full of crap.
More next week on my weekend with a fat chick and rounds 3 and 4.
* Any fat chicks who like vodka, porn and hoops can contact me here.
Let’s start from the top. Two of the four one seeds didn’t even make their conference tournament final game. Of course the overall top seed Louisville won it all and is from the same Big East Conference. Last year all four number ones made the final four for the first time ever. Will it happen again? My guess is no way. All four teams have huge flaws but of the top four I do like Louisville to make a nice run. They’ve won ten in a row in a ridiculously tough conference but, only had to play Pitt and UConn once. Great team, forty minutes of hell, 6’9” point forward who loves to throw dimes in Terrence Williams. Their scoring is really spread out and they should live up to the overall number one seed.
Pitt outside of 2007 usually wins a game or two and goes back home to the steel city. You got to love De Juan Blair who is a big meat who likes to bang but will he get the ball when they need a score? That’s why you hear all the experts talk about guard play in the tournament. They’re the ones who make all the decisions with ball. Get the ball to Blair and they make it two the second weekend. They’ve certainly never had the #1 seed which is a much easier road but it would not shock me at all if they lost to Tennessee or Oklahoma St in the second round.
UConn to me is soft like pudding. Hasheem Thabet is 7’3” and only averages 10 boards a game. If you go at him and get him into foul trouble he’s useless. FYI, he will be a terrible pro….think Shawn Bradley. They should win the first couple of games but if Washington gets through look out. Jon Brockman all 6’7” 255lbs will be punching Thabet right in the mouth.
UNC is all about one guy, Ty Lawson. With a healthy Lawson they find a way to the final four or without him they may be done in week one. Please don’t start with what about Tyler Hansbourgh? He owes his whole career to Lawson just like every Bull owes Michael Jordan at least 20% of their free agents contracts they signed when they left the team. Totally overrated! I’m not saying he’s not great but I am saying he is overrated. Plus aren’t we supposed to hate on a white guy from the ACC?
As for the rest of the field here are some teams I think could make a run at the very least get out of the first weekend.
Dayton - Three returning starters from last year. (This is just a hunch; if you’re not feeling it I don’t blame you.)
Xavier – Three guys returning from a team that was one game from the final four last year. Sean Miller is a great coach and they should go far.
VCU – They are young but they have a couple of things going for them. One, they just don’t get blown and two, a good match up with UCLA who is really down this year and may be tired as a program.
Minnesota - another hunch; don’t love them but they are capable of winning some games and I love Tubby. Maybe I do love them? Look at the state of Kentucky basketball for proof of how good a coach this guy is.
Gonzaga – This will be their year. They are playing well right now and should keep things going. It does scare me a bit that the committee did not give St. Mary’s an at large. Could be overrated. I did watch the game against Memphis and even though they lost they looked good at times. They played a great schedule that includes two of the four number one seeds in UConn and the previously mention Memphis. Also Tennessee (twice), Arizona, Oklahoma St, and Maryland.
Washington – Although they pooped on themselves in the Pac 10 tourney they are a very good team who could get to the regional finals if they catch a couple of breaks.
But like the fat chick who you bring home on whim this could all be for not. She very easily could settle for the hot pockets and passing out and I’m left holding a bracket full of crap.
More next week on my weekend with a fat chick and rounds 3 and 4.
* Any fat chicks who like vodka, porn and hoops can contact me here.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
"Cherry Pie"
This is a true story…..
Just the other day as I was on my lunch break I decided to head over to the local grocery store to pick up a few items. As I parked my car a sudden feeling came over me. My world started to slow down….think “Swingers” when they all got out of their cars. The movie slows and everybody’s walk looked gangsta. I started walking like that, with big sexy strides! At that moment I went from a skinny bastard to a 6’4” love machine. My hair perfect, ass..check, looking good!!
I had no idea why this sudden feeling of greatness came over me but I went with it. I continued walking, and as I am about to the end of the parking lot … it hits me, she hits me. Oh dear, Hot Girl in a business suit, 12 o’clock high! Thank You, Thank You!!
My first thought “holy shit, this is my Cindy Crawford moment.” Remember the Pepsi commercial with the little kid starring through the fence at Cindy…well I do and I will never forget it. It’s my mother fucking turn!
You know what…. this is my story...DJ!
Snare, snare, snare, snare, snare…."She’s my Cherry Pie, Cool drink of water, Such a sweet surprise, Taste so good, Make a grown man Cry, Sweet Cherry Pieeee, Oh Yeah!”
Again, in my mind the skinny bastard was left behind in the car sitting shotgun. I’m about to do this. I stair at her and sadly she hasn’t noticed me.
“What the fuck? I wonder if she is blind. She doesn’t have a walking stick but how can she not see me?” I’m screaming at her in my head “Hello, hot guy 25 ft away. Check out my sexy walk.”
“Well, Swingin on the front porch, Swingin on the lawn, Swingin where we want, Cause there ain’t nobody home, Swingin to the left And swingin to the right, If I think about baseball I’ll swing all night..yeah yeah”
We are both about to cross the middle of the street heading in opposite directions when a small wind kicks up.
DJ Crank this shit “Swingin in the living room, Swingin in the kitchen, Most folks don’t, Cause they’re too busy bitchin, Swingin in there, Cause she wanted me to feed her, So I mixed up the batter, And she licked the beater”
Boom….a small piece of paper flies from her hand.
What most of you don’t know is that “The Big Man” upstairs and I have a quality relationship. The long of the short is we basically have each others backs. He was clearly watching over me at this moment because the piece of paper dropped in the exact opposite direction of me. Like “The Big Man’s” hand came down pulled it from her and said "My good friend, this one is one the house."
Oh my, what has he done? Here comes the money shot…in a business suit none the less. “The Big Man” is clearly feeling it today.
“I scream, you scream, We all scream for her, Don’t even try, Cause you can’t ignore her, She’s my cherry pie”
Bam! She bends over, not like a lady of course but like a real freaking woman should….don’t bend your knees. Boom! Thong sticking out of her pants…oh my! Knees buckle…hang on big man, keep your game tight.
What you need to remember is that this is all happening in slow motion. The power of "The Big Man" and I’ve got Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” cranking in my head…this is a great moment.
I stare and stare some more. She slowly pulls the piece of paper off the street, swings her hair in every direction and than continues on her way! Dirty, Dirty Girl!!
Before continuing I look up…wink and point to the sky and whisper “Thank You, thank you kind sir”
And as I’m about to enter the store a random guy who works there looks at me and asks, “Did you just wink at God?”
Just the other day as I was on my lunch break I decided to head over to the local grocery store to pick up a few items. As I parked my car a sudden feeling came over me. My world started to slow down….think “Swingers” when they all got out of their cars. The movie slows and everybody’s walk looked gangsta. I started walking like that, with big sexy strides! At that moment I went from a skinny bastard to a 6’4” love machine. My hair perfect, ass..check, looking good!!
I had no idea why this sudden feeling of greatness came over me but I went with it. I continued walking, and as I am about to the end of the parking lot … it hits me, she hits me. Oh dear, Hot Girl in a business suit, 12 o’clock high! Thank You, Thank You!!
My first thought “holy shit, this is my Cindy Crawford moment.” Remember the Pepsi commercial with the little kid starring through the fence at Cindy…well I do and I will never forget it. It’s my mother fucking turn!
You know what…. this is my story...DJ!
Snare, snare, snare, snare, snare…."She’s my Cherry Pie, Cool drink of water, Such a sweet surprise, Taste so good, Make a grown man Cry, Sweet Cherry Pieeee, Oh Yeah!”
Again, in my mind the skinny bastard was left behind in the car sitting shotgun. I’m about to do this. I stair at her and sadly she hasn’t noticed me.
“What the fuck? I wonder if she is blind. She doesn’t have a walking stick but how can she not see me?” I’m screaming at her in my head “Hello, hot guy 25 ft away. Check out my sexy walk.”
“Well, Swingin on the front porch, Swingin on the lawn, Swingin where we want, Cause there ain’t nobody home, Swingin to the left And swingin to the right, If I think about baseball I’ll swing all night..yeah yeah”
We are both about to cross the middle of the street heading in opposite directions when a small wind kicks up.
DJ Crank this shit “Swingin in the living room, Swingin in the kitchen, Most folks don’t, Cause they’re too busy bitchin, Swingin in there, Cause she wanted me to feed her, So I mixed up the batter, And she licked the beater”
Boom….a small piece of paper flies from her hand.
What most of you don’t know is that “The Big Man” upstairs and I have a quality relationship. The long of the short is we basically have each others backs. He was clearly watching over me at this moment because the piece of paper dropped in the exact opposite direction of me. Like “The Big Man’s” hand came down pulled it from her and said "My good friend, this one is one the house."
Oh my, what has he done? Here comes the money shot…in a business suit none the less. “The Big Man” is clearly feeling it today.
“I scream, you scream, We all scream for her, Don’t even try, Cause you can’t ignore her, She’s my cherry pie”
Bam! She bends over, not like a lady of course but like a real freaking woman should….don’t bend your knees. Boom! Thong sticking out of her pants…oh my! Knees buckle…hang on big man, keep your game tight.
What you need to remember is that this is all happening in slow motion. The power of "The Big Man" and I’ve got Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” cranking in my head…this is a great moment.
I stare and stare some more. She slowly pulls the piece of paper off the street, swings her hair in every direction and than continues on her way! Dirty, Dirty Girl!!
Before continuing I look up…wink and point to the sky and whisper “Thank You, thank you kind sir”
And as I’m about to enter the store a random guy who works there looks at me and asks, “Did you just wink at God?”
Thursday, February 5, 2009
3:30 In The Morn!
A month has passed since my last entry…what has happened in my life?
On an awesome (thank you Bret Michaels for making the word awesome awesome again) note my team the Pittsburgh Steelers pulled out an epic finish to win their sixth Super Bowl title. I only remember two of them but last weekend’s game was freaking incredible. With about 2:30 to go in the game I couldn’t help myself from day dreaming how all my “friends” were going to give me a ton of shit on how the Steelers lost to the Cardinals. I got about ten texts and three voicemails with all my “friends” claiming their allegiance to the Cardinals. It doesn’t matter that their teams had also lost to the Cardinals this year. My team was pooping themselves on national TV!!! Not good. My favorite voicemail was from my buddy Dan…. I’m free styling here but it was “that guy” tone…”Hey, what are you up to right now? I’m just hanging out watching this game between the Cardinals and the Steelers. Any way, just wanted to see what you’re up to?”
What a total dick! Seriously I was a mess at that point. Losing to the Cardinals would have ruined my month, not to mention no Sports Center for a minimum of two weeks. I can’t even watch it after one of my teams loses a regular season game let alone the Super Bowl.
I also got a couple of text from some buddies who are 49er fans. Seriously??? Didn’t you lose twice to the Cardinals this year? Not to mention your coaches thought you were on the ½ yard line but you were really on the three. Now you’re a fan of the Cardinals??? They were outwardly rooting for a divisional team. And that my friend’s is the difference between the East and West coast fans. Trust me no Giants fans roots for the Cowboys to win, EVER. No Yankee fans roots for the Red Soxs, EVER. But these freaking guys were all pulling for the Cardinals. I honestly don’t get it. Who are you? West Coast fans are way softer and generally have no idea how to be a fan.
Bottom line Big Ben pulled out his 18th fourth quarter come back to the lead the mighty Steelers to victory! PS – Thank God I didn’t bet the game…I would have lost and it would have ruined my joy for the moment.
Back to Bret Michaels….this guy is my new hero. Wow, let me back up one quick second and qualify that statement. I don’t want to be him on any level I just want a ton of hot girls competing for my dong. Those girls are a total mess but I like it and find it incredibly awesome and hot that they get wasted all day and would kill to sleep with me. I’m not saying this will get you a ticket down the isle but it will definitely get you a ticket to the love machine…Q up the music “I’m just a love machine….ha” Thank you Bret Michaels and keep on keeping on.
Other than bad reality TV and not losing my job this month everything has been the same. My son is the love of my life and he continues to grow and poop his way to three. Quick story the other night or morning…really depends how you look at it. Ok, it was 3:30am and he woke up….we had the following exchange…..
“Dada”
“Yeah buddy”
“Me sick”
“What’s the matter?”
“Me sick”
At this point he gets out of bed, walks to the foot of the bed gets down on all fours and just rips one. It wasn’t any old rip, I could tell it was a sloppy mess.
“You ok buddy?”
“Poo Poo Dada”
“Do you want me to change your diaper?”
“Yesh”
I started to change his diaper and the smell just hit me. I better get something to lie on the ground this could get messy. Actually it was so smelly I decided against a towel…didn’t want to ruin one and went for an old shirt I could just throw away.
I laid the shirt beneath him
“Ok buddy lets take off your diaper” note he was standing at the time.
I was behind him and noticed there was no poop on his butt. Not a freaking drop!! Wow, maybe it was just a bad fart? I then turned him around and he was freaking covered from his waist to his knees. I started to clean him off and realized it was so much I was only spreading it around.
“Buddy, do you want to take a bath?”
“Yesh”
So off to the bath at 3:30am…..awesome!!
On an awesome (thank you Bret Michaels for making the word awesome awesome again) note my team the Pittsburgh Steelers pulled out an epic finish to win their sixth Super Bowl title. I only remember two of them but last weekend’s game was freaking incredible. With about 2:30 to go in the game I couldn’t help myself from day dreaming how all my “friends” were going to give me a ton of shit on how the Steelers lost to the Cardinals. I got about ten texts and three voicemails with all my “friends” claiming their allegiance to the Cardinals. It doesn’t matter that their teams had also lost to the Cardinals this year. My team was pooping themselves on national TV!!! Not good. My favorite voicemail was from my buddy Dan…. I’m free styling here but it was “that guy” tone…”Hey, what are you up to right now? I’m just hanging out watching this game between the Cardinals and the Steelers. Any way, just wanted to see what you’re up to?”
What a total dick! Seriously I was a mess at that point. Losing to the Cardinals would have ruined my month, not to mention no Sports Center for a minimum of two weeks. I can’t even watch it after one of my teams loses a regular season game let alone the Super Bowl.
I also got a couple of text from some buddies who are 49er fans. Seriously??? Didn’t you lose twice to the Cardinals this year? Not to mention your coaches thought you were on the ½ yard line but you were really on the three. Now you’re a fan of the Cardinals??? They were outwardly rooting for a divisional team. And that my friend’s is the difference between the East and West coast fans. Trust me no Giants fans roots for the Cowboys to win, EVER. No Yankee fans roots for the Red Soxs, EVER. But these freaking guys were all pulling for the Cardinals. I honestly don’t get it. Who are you? West Coast fans are way softer and generally have no idea how to be a fan.
Bottom line Big Ben pulled out his 18th fourth quarter come back to the lead the mighty Steelers to victory! PS – Thank God I didn’t bet the game…I would have lost and it would have ruined my joy for the moment.
Back to Bret Michaels….this guy is my new hero. Wow, let me back up one quick second and qualify that statement. I don’t want to be him on any level I just want a ton of hot girls competing for my dong. Those girls are a total mess but I like it and find it incredibly awesome and hot that they get wasted all day and would kill to sleep with me. I’m not saying this will get you a ticket down the isle but it will definitely get you a ticket to the love machine…Q up the music “I’m just a love machine….ha” Thank you Bret Michaels and keep on keeping on.
Other than bad reality TV and not losing my job this month everything has been the same. My son is the love of my life and he continues to grow and poop his way to three. Quick story the other night or morning…really depends how you look at it. Ok, it was 3:30am and he woke up….we had the following exchange…..
“Dada”
“Yeah buddy”
“Me sick”
“What’s the matter?”
“Me sick”
At this point he gets out of bed, walks to the foot of the bed gets down on all fours and just rips one. It wasn’t any old rip, I could tell it was a sloppy mess.
“You ok buddy?”
“Poo Poo Dada”
“Do you want me to change your diaper?”
“Yesh”
I started to change his diaper and the smell just hit me. I better get something to lie on the ground this could get messy. Actually it was so smelly I decided against a towel…didn’t want to ruin one and went for an old shirt I could just throw away.
I laid the shirt beneath him
“Ok buddy lets take off your diaper” note he was standing at the time.
I was behind him and noticed there was no poop on his butt. Not a freaking drop!! Wow, maybe it was just a bad fart? I then turned him around and he was freaking covered from his waist to his knees. I started to clean him off and realized it was so much I was only spreading it around.
“Buddy, do you want to take a bath?”
“Yesh”
So off to the bath at 3:30am…..awesome!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I Have A Dream
I wish I was intelligent enough to put my thoughts and feelings into words.
Whether you have 12 minutes to spare or not...this is a must.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEMXaTktUfA
Whether you have 12 minutes to spare or not...this is a must.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEMXaTktUfA
Monday, January 5, 2009
Sports, Losing and Divorce
As it relates to sports the feeling that hurts the most is losing. I don't cry, I don't blame, I just want to compete and give it everything I got....leave it all on the floor. Like the great Jimmy Connors once said "I hate losing more than I love winning". I'm sure he's not the only athlete to say that as I'm sure he is not the only athlete to believe that. Winning is a great feeling, like you've accomplished something. All that hard work has finally paid off but trust me when I say I'd rather lose by two points and be challenged than win by fifty and be the man. Sports is about competing and losing simply says your opponent has out worked you tonight.
Whether you lose a game, job, relationship, friend it all sucks. Why does it suck so much? Because if you're true to yourself you take "inventory" of what went wrong. Could I have worked harder? Could I have done something better? The answer is always yes when you lose...isn't it? That's why you lost right?
Recently I lost at the game of life. I got a divorce! OK so lets take the "inventory"...I lost a friend, a good one at that. I lost my son, my house, my heart, my self worth...the list goes on. I didn't actually lose my relationship with my son but when you don't see someone everyday who you planned on seeing everyday for the rest of my life...that's a lose. Like sports when you win you shrug it off, feel good and move on. When I was with my son everyday I guess I took it all for granted. Now when I'm alone writing in the middle of the night the losing part really hurts. Maybe I'm like a possessed coach going back to the drawing board, sleeping on my couch in the office and figuring out how to make it better. I twist and I turn and ask myself "what could have I done different?" Twenty more push ups, listened more, communicated better? The sad part is that I won't get a second chance. Maybe with someone else some day but never again in that situation. Dam...that's why you've got to love sports, there is always another game, another chance to redeem yourself. Maybe in my relationship I had all those chances but never realized it because there was no referee and no scoreboard.
I have no answers today so I may just be writing to get all of this off my chest. Who knows but I will tell you that's why I love sports...........you always get a second chance and you always know it.
Whether you lose a game, job, relationship, friend it all sucks. Why does it suck so much? Because if you're true to yourself you take "inventory" of what went wrong. Could I have worked harder? Could I have done something better? The answer is always yes when you lose...isn't it? That's why you lost right?
Recently I lost at the game of life. I got a divorce! OK so lets take the "inventory"...I lost a friend, a good one at that. I lost my son, my house, my heart, my self worth...the list goes on. I didn't actually lose my relationship with my son but when you don't see someone everyday who you planned on seeing everyday for the rest of my life...that's a lose. Like sports when you win you shrug it off, feel good and move on. When I was with my son everyday I guess I took it all for granted. Now when I'm alone writing in the middle of the night the losing part really hurts. Maybe I'm like a possessed coach going back to the drawing board, sleeping on my couch in the office and figuring out how to make it better. I twist and I turn and ask myself "what could have I done different?" Twenty more push ups, listened more, communicated better? The sad part is that I won't get a second chance. Maybe with someone else some day but never again in that situation. Dam...that's why you've got to love sports, there is always another game, another chance to redeem yourself. Maybe in my relationship I had all those chances but never realized it because there was no referee and no scoreboard.
I have no answers today so I may just be writing to get all of this off my chest. Who knows but I will tell you that's why I love sports...........you always get a second chance and you always know it.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
