The Madness of March

This year the madness will be totally unpredictable. Like the fat chick* you bring home from a bar at 2am. She could be a dirty girl who likes to watch porn and decides that a couple of vodkas and walking straight up to your room and nuding up is a must. Or she just wants to cruise over hoping you have a fresh box of ham and chess hot pockets and passes out on your couch after two bites. You have no idea what’s going to happen until it actually happens. Let’s not lie to each other, the reason we all love March Madness is because we’ve all had the fat chick who likes vodka and porn. I guess in this case I should only speak for myself but bring on the fat chicks!


Let’s start from the top. Two of the four one seeds didn’t even make their conference tournament final game. Of course the overall top seed Louisville won it all and is from the same Big East Conference. Last year all four number ones made the final four for the first time ever. Will it happen again? My guess is no way. All four teams have huge flaws but of the top four I do like Louisville to make a nice run. They’ve won ten in a row in a ridiculously tough conference but, only had to play Pitt and UConn once. Great team, forty minutes of hell, 6’9” point forward who loves to throw dimes in Terrence Williams. Their scoring is really spread out and they should live up to the overall number one seed.

Pitt outside of 2007 usually wins a game or two and goes back home to the steel city. You got to love De Juan Blair who is a big meat who likes to bang but will he get the ball when they need a score? That’s why you hear all the experts talk about guard play in the tournament. They’re the ones who make all the decisions with ball. Get the ball to Blair and they make it two the second weekend. They’ve certainly never had the #1 seed which is a much easier road but it would not shock me at all if they lost to Tennessee or Oklahoma St in the second round.

UConn to me is soft like pudding. Hasheem Thabet is 7’3” and only averages 10 boards a game. If you go at him and get him into foul trouble he’s useless. FYI, he will be a terrible pro….think Shawn Bradley. They should win the first couple of games but if Washington gets through look out. Jon Brockman all 6’7” 255lbs will be punching Thabet right in the mouth.


UNC is all about one guy, Ty Lawson. With a healthy Lawson they find a way to the final four or without him they may be done in week one. Please don’t start with what about Tyler Hansbourgh? He owes his whole career to Lawson just like every Bull owes Michael Jordan at least 20% of their free agents contracts they signed when they left the team. Totally overrated! I’m not saying he’s not great but I am saying he is overrated. Plus aren’t we supposed to hate on a white guy from the ACC?


As for the rest of the field here are some teams I think could make a run at the very least get out of the first weekend.

Dayton - Three returning starters from last year. (This is just a hunch; if you’re not feeling it I don’t blame you.)
Xavier – Three guys returning from a team that was one game from the final four last year. Sean Miller is a great coach and they should go far.
VCU – They are young but they have a couple of things going for them. One, they just don’t get blown and two, a good match up with UCLA who is really down this year and may be tired as a program.
Minnesota - another hunch; don’t love them but they are capable of winning some games and I love Tubby. Maybe I do love them? Look at the state of Kentucky basketball for proof of how good a coach this guy is.
Gonzaga – This will be their year. They are playing well right now and should keep things going. It does scare me a bit that the committee did not give St. Mary’s an at large. Could be overrated. I did watch the game against Memphis and even though they lost they looked good at times. They played a great schedule that includes two of the four number one seeds in UConn and the previously mention Memphis. Also Tennessee (twice), Arizona, Oklahoma St, and Maryland.
Washington – Although they pooped on themselves in the Pac 10 tourney they are a very good team who could get to the regional finals if they catch a couple of breaks.

But like the fat chick who you bring home on whim this could all be for not. She very easily could settle for the hot pockets and passing out and I’m left holding a bracket full of crap.

More next week on my weekend with a fat chick and rounds 3 and 4.

* Any fat chicks who like vodka, porn and hoops can contact me here.